Fast facts (if you don’t have time to read the full post): 21 weeks and 16 treatments later, I can shout “CHEMO FINITO” and it feels so good. About damn time. Up next: a CT scan to see progress of my existing tumors and make sure there are not any new growths anywhere and I will meet with the surgeon to go over the process of chop chop. I have a Zoladex injection on August 18 and see my oncologist on August 26 for a follow-up.
TO THE SHORT VERSION!
What a fucking day. Emotions. Chemo. Tears. Cupcakes. Hugs. Joy. Guilt. Anxiety. A full spectrum that I am still processing. I am so glad chemo has ended, but there is a lot of guilt that comes with ringing the chemo bell.
Cancer isn’t fair. How is it some of us get to experience that and not everyone? Some are curative, some are palliative care. Some get to the ring the bell, but return back to treatment months later with new growths. Some ring it once and that is that. It is a complex emotion and experience that is hard to ignore today. I find so much joy and happiness in treatment ending, but struggle with knowing that is not the case for everyone.
Fuck cancer. It just isn’t fair.
I dream of a day where all cancers are curative and treatable. There is so much good being done at the cancer center for patients. Nothing about the experience is easy but the folks there bring a lot of comfort and I’ve left this part of my journey feeling dramatically impacted and moved by the care I’ve experienced.
A small photo intermission! I am trying to figure out how to share the video of me ringing the bell, but it is a premium service for this platform, so I need to find a host site to share from.
My body is insanely exhausted from chemo, the most I have ever felt. I think it is a combo between COVID fatigue and chemo and my body being like, “Wait, I thought we were done with this chemo shit?” I left treatment, ate some lunch, and took a deep nap. I have more to say but I might need to write more tomorrow because my brain isn’t working and I am so tired.
MORE TOMORROW! For now, I rest.
Today’s song lyrics of the day are brought to you by Lizzo.
“Turn up the music, turn down the lights
I got a feelin’ I’m gon’ be alright
Okay (okay), alright
It’s about damn time (time)
Turn up the music, let’s celebrate (alright)
I got a feelin’ I’m gon’ be okay
Okay (okay), alright
It’s about damn time”
madisonhatescancer 