Fast facts (if you don’t have time to read the full post): We are 10 days away from chop chop surgery. I am not emotionally ready for what is to come. I mean, how can I be? I met with my oncologist on Friday and got more clarification about my spine, which is both good news and unsettling news. More on that in a bit. In cooler news, I treated myself to a mini chemomoon and visited a friend in Seattle for the weekend. The last couple of days felt like the highlight of my summer!
TO THE LONG VERSION!
This past weekend was the first time since my diagnosis that I did not think nonstop about the cancer in my body. I experienced a glimpse of who I was before February 21 and a glimpse of who I am becoming. I am like a little butterfly emerging from a cocoon, except there is like a massive bug waiting outside of the cocoon I need to outsmart first before I can be truly free (surgery analogy). Those two versions of me do have the desire for travel and new experiences in common, which I am glad has only grown in intensity and craving. That might be because I have not been able to go anywhere all summer or it might just be because I have learned how short life is and I am ready to continue consuming the best of what the world has to offer while I still have a vessel of a body on this earth.
I considered this trip to Seattle a mini chemomoon. It was a small taste of adventure to keep me motivated to endure the Everest of a mountain I have to climb next Thursday and a nice way to celebrate the poison I’ve consumed. My next chemomoon is in December and I will be headed to glamorous Los Angeles for a DJ set featuring two of my favorite artists and (fingers crossed) going to Disneyland. More on that later.
BUT SEATTLE. I love visiting Seattle! I drove up Friday afternoon to stay with a good friend of mine and it was just pure bliss. It was so nice to not have any plans and to just go with whatever we felt like doing. What we felt like doing included spending most of our Friday evening chatting over beers at a pub minutes away from her house, visiting the Modern Museum of Pop, and trying 33 flavors of ice cream at an ice cream festival. Oh and of course we ate delicious things. I had sushi for the first time since chemo started (sashimi specifically) since I wasn’t allowed to consume raw fish during chemo, so that was a special treat yo’self moment. Oh and I had a bloody Mary with one of my breakfasts. I miss simple moments like that. Vodka at 10 am. Yum. Although I could never live in Seattle, I have to say they have the coolest things to do. It was the perfect reset of a weekend and a wonderful way to connect with someone who means so much to me.
PHOTO INTERMISSION! Side note: I went bald most of the weekend in Seattle. It was SO NICE. I feel like if I did that in the Tri-Cities someone would say something weird to me. (One time when I had pink and orange hair someone in the TC asked me if I ate too many Skittles… it is always men making strange comments about my hair…) But in Seattle, I just blended in with all the other unique hair styles there and not once did I ever catch someone looking at me. It was quite freeing.
Before leaving for Seattle, I had my special little one-on-one meeting with my oncologist. It is so funny to me that I crave her approval and compliments about my tumors. Like Friday, she told me she was very pleased with the reduction of my breast and lymph node tumors. And until I have surgery, the chemo left in my body will continue to work its magic. I felt like all the fuckery I endured was worth it to see my scans show that my tumors are almost gone. She literally could have patted me on my little bald head at that moment and I would have been so pleased. Then she brought up the spine images. So here is why biopsying isn’t on the table right now: whatever lesion is growing in my L1 vertebrae is positioned deep enough into the bone that it would be very challenging to biopsy. And she feels like even if they did a biopsy and it came back negative, she would not trust the results because there is no guarantee that they hit the spot they want to biopsy. The lesion on my T9 vertebrae lesion is basically a speck. For now, we wait. I see her again on September 15, a week after surgery, and will also have a Zoladex injection that day.
Other things we discussed are the daily pills I will start soon. One is basically an oral chemo and another is to help suppress the estrogen in my body. I don’t have a ton of information about those yet, so I will share more when I know more.
Keeping with the trend of blogging about things in reverse chronological order, Thursday I got to experience something I didn’t even know was on my bucket list but now is checked off: riding in the stagecoach during the rodeo at the fair! I was invited to represent the Tri-Cities Cancer Center at the Tough Enough To Wear Pink night at the rodeo! That invite included sitting in the fancy tent eating catered food and riding in the stagecoach as they read my bio to the audience. Talk about an insane honor! I felt like a little rodeo cancer princess. Oh and I got to bring Sue with me. We had a ton of fun and it was an experience I didn’t know was possible. My heart was overflowing with gratitude and we both felt like we were on a fun high, you know the kind that makes you giggle a lot and keep saying, “Wow, we are so lucky.” It was one of THOSE nights.
I have to say that the fair folks are so incredibly kind and hospitable. The rodeo director drove us around in his little golf cart to the bathroom and my car so I wouldn’t have to walk as much. LIKE HOW NICE IS THAT. We capped off the evening with an elephant ear from the Rotary club booth, a pineapple Dole whip cup, and a quick walk around to see all the rides lit up. It was a grand way to start the weekend.
Now that my Cinderella fun pumpkin has disappeared, I am back to reality and have a total of seven working days before I am not in the office for a while. The pressure is on to complete a lot of stuff before I am at home crying over my breastless chest. For now, I marinate in how wonderful the last couple of days have been. I have to remind myself that losing my boobs is going to suck hard mentally for a while, but hopefully that won’t feel like forever and I can someday enjoy what I have enjoyed this weekend once more.
Today’s song lyrics of the day are brought to you by OneRepublic.
“I ain’t worried ’bout it
Hey!
I don’t know what you’ve been told
But time is running out, so spend it like it’s gold
I’m living like I’m nine-zeros
Got no regrets, even when I’m broke, yeah”
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