Fast facts (if you don’t have time to read the full post): Tomorrow is day one of three spine radiation treatments. I will have radiation tomorrow, Wednesday, and Friday. Friday I will meet up with my non-assigned radiologist. Sandwiched between those treatments I will meet with my oncologist on Thursday along with labs and my favorite Zoladex stomach injection. It is a packed week but it is also my final week of active treatment!!!

TO THE SHORT VERSION!

I generally enjoy consuming non-fiction reading materials but lately I have been heavily into romance. Modern romance books are nothing like what I thought romance books to be. The ones I have been reading tend to have a lot of substance, interesting characters, and fun plots. They are easy reads and require less attention since I am not trying to retain information. A lot of my non-fiction titles revolve around medical topics and history, so I try my best to be present. Romance to me is like drinking a slushie; non-fiction is wine tasting. I take wine tasting very seriously.

What I did not expect is that many of my books lately, regardless of genre, have had characters and people experiencing cancer or talking about cancer. Is the universe trying to send me a sign or is this just a weird coincidence? I am currently reading my fourth romance in a row and a few sentences caught my attention:

Mom’s first diagnosis taught me that love was an escape rope. But it was her second diagnosis that taught me love could be a life vest when you were drowning.

Emily Henry, “Beach Read“

Big oof. In light of my previous post, this sentence stopped me mid-read and it gave me a lot to ponder. The character who said that quote writes romance books with happy endings. I have had that stuck in my brain all day.

A cancer diagnosis is so incredibly complex for not only the person experiencing it, but also for loved ones. This is NOT an excuse (in reference to my previous post), but a moment for empathy and compassion. A lot of what you learn about how this impacts you and others cannot be fully understood or seen unfortunately until you are past that moment. The last 48 hours have been literally that: a culmination of everything I have experienced crashing into the centerfold and all the lessons exposing themselves like pages in a math book flying in the wind.

I recognize my previous post had some very heavy information in it. I am not choosing to ignore that (well I kind of am temporarily) because this week I really need to focus on finishing my last set of active treatment and that means putting my lil midlife crisis on the back burner to focus on me. I am on the path to NED (no evidence of disease) and I really hope that post-radiation involves scans and those scans being CLEAN. Then I can focus on bullshit and survivorship and figuring out how to live life after cancer.

Today’s song lyrics of the day are brought to you by Moon Boots.

“In my dark sunglasses
I can hide behind
I’m drowning
But you won’t see me cry
When bad things happen, it’ll be alright
As long as I know you won’t see me cry”

– You Won’t See Me Cry – Crackazat Remix, Moon Boots, Little Boots, Crackazat