Tuesday, February 22 at 5:45 pm: “What is the one question you wish someone was asking you right now that they aren’t?” my friend asked me over the phone as I waited in line at Rite Aid to pick up a prescription. I still don’t know the question to that but it is a question I can’t stop thinking about. I am surrounded by questions and unknowns. Michael Scott once said, “I know nothing.” Same.

Rewind to approximately 10:15 am: I met with my lead doctor for my case. It reminded me of the day before an exam in college where your professor is like, “Let’s review everything you have learned for your final exam!” and your head explodes and you wonder how someone thinks so much knowledge could be filled into your brain.

My initial diagnosis was presented in the calmest way possible and explained so well. I was initially told I have a triple negative tumor, a type of breast cancer that affects 15% of patients. For the sake of this journal update, I am not going to explain that and you can Google it if you want because 1) my diagnosis is shifting and 2) it is scary and I don’t want to scare myself. But the conversation was great and I asked all the questions and got a grip on my new reality. I really like my doctor, despite the fact he attended UW. I will probably let this one slide since they have an excellent medical school but his Huskies lanyard was really an eye sore for me. *cackles*

I left with new appointments to make including one with a genetic counselor which I meet with tomorrow to test for BRCA genes, among other things, and my new impending doom of my MRI this morning. I cannot express how much I HATE NEEDLES. They give me anxiety to the stars. And as I type, I am literally two hours away from being stuck with my first cancer journey needle. I hate it. I got a prescription for some anxiety meds and I really hope that will help me conquer my fears.

A missed call at 5:32 pm: I think it is really cool that you get assigned a breast health nurse navigator to help you with all the things. I missed a call from her because my phone said it was spam and I was on the phone with my friend at the Rite Aid. (Needless to say her number is now saved in my phone.) She left a voicemail and I wished I had picked up the phone. As my sister cleaned my cat box, joking about being a “mighty excavator of the kitty poos” I clicked on my voicemail and learned my pathology revealed that I was NOT triple negative and in fact had some estrogen receptors on my tumors! I know I didn’t go into a lot of detail about what this all means, so I promise in a post later after I check in with my doctor I will have more to say about my diagnosis. For now, it is a ray of light in my doom cloud.

Wednesday, February 23 at 6:40 am: I am wrapping up my daily post with anxiety clutching my soul for my 8:30 am MRI appointment. I heard my breasts will go into cones and I wish that could be photographed because I am sure I will look like the Madonna of MRI’s. I anticipate if I feel up for it this afternoon, I might have a bonus post for the day to share about my experience, maybe updates on my diagnosis, and the most requested piece of information about what I can eat right now with parosmia. Because not only do I have fucking cancer I am still a fucking long hauler with a limited diet and I really can never do life on easy mode, can I?