Fast facts (if you don’t have time to read the full post: I received my genetic testing results this morning. As suspected, I am BRCA1 positive. I tested negative for the other 46 cancer causing genes. That is a nice booby prize. Lol breast joke!

TO THE LONG VERSION!

I am one of the lucky few that will get an answer to the age old question “Why did I get cancer?” It is simple: I am BRCA1 positive. My little mutated fucked up genes have been hard at work! Before I get too deep in the weeds, if you haven’t already read my post entitled “All in the family” please read that so you can get caught up and learn what being BRCA1 or 2 means. I will be waiting for you here until you get back.

Done? Let’s keep moving.

A really bright spot that has come out of this confirmation is that my sister, mom, and cousins can all get tested for free to see if they are BRCA1 or 2 positive. The ability to give them peace of mind or the opportunity to take action if necessary makes this whole experience with cancer worth it for me. I don’t want them to have to deal with this shit if they can help it. BRCA1 is prevalent on my dad’s side of the family, which is the reason why I have it. There was a 50/50 chance of me inheriting it from him. I got it, so I really hope my younger sister is the other 50% and doesn’t have the mutation. Fingers crossed!

So what does this mean for me? As of right now, we stick to the course of treatment. If for whatever reason the tumor does not respond to chemotherapy (which currently it is), we have a tool in our back pocket knowing I am BRCA1 positive: PARP inhibitor drugs! According to Cancer.gov, “A class of drugs called PARP inhibitors, which block the repair of DNA damage, have been found to arrest the growth of cancer cells that have harmful BRCA1 or BRCA2 variants.”

This test result also means I will definitely be opting for a double mastectomy since I will be very high risk for developing breast cancer in my currently cancer free breast at some point. The variant is also responsible for increased risk of ovarian cancer. I will need to have my ovaries and fallopian tubes removed roughly by the time I turn 40 to avoid that train wreck.

Cancer has now officially dictated my healthcare for the rest of my life. Cancer is also going to make it a bitch if I ever want to have kids. I will have an itty bitty window between 35 and 40 to try, assuming that chemo doesn’t make me a barren landscape. We won’t know for sure the damage chemo has done until I hop off hormone blockers in five years and get checked out. Despite not knowing if I ever want to have biological children or not, the fact that cancer is taking the option away from me is devastating. I had no say in the matter and I never will. I can just only hope at this point that the hormone blocker treatment my oncologist wants me to start now offers some sort of protection and that my body is a bad bitch who doesn’t give my eggs away. I will probably cry about this later though. Despite all my sarcasm and “F” bombs, I hurt emotionally through this. Cancer doesn’t play fair. I continue to sacrifice myself for myself in the name of remission. I wish this got easier.

One appointment down. Next up: MRI on my spine Wednesday morning at 6:30 am to figure out what the fuck is going on in my lower back (PLEASE DON’T BE CANCER!), red devil chemo on Thursday, and growth factor tummy shot Friday. I am not sure when the hormone blocker shot is. I normally love surprises, but painful ass shots don’t get me excited the same way people popping out of cakes for birthdays do.

Oh before I forget! I wanted to share this resource with you all. I realize genetic counseling can be a financial barrier for folks who don’t have insurance or your insurance won’t cover it. You can totally use the company I went through to get tested without going through a genetic counselor. I believe it is $250, but the option is available. The company is called Invitae. Definitely check it out if you’ve been considering learning more about your personal genetics or want to rule out any sketchy mutations. This has also prompted me to create a “resource” page on my blog since I love linking and learning! That will be coming soon, probably after I recover from my second round of chemo. Don’t let me forget!!!

Today’s song lyric of the day is brought to you by Calvin Harris.

So I’ll put my faith in something unknown
I’m living on such sweet nothing
But I’m tired of hope with nothing to hold
I’m living on such sweet nothing
And it’s hard to learn
And it’s hard to love
When you’re giving me such sweet nothing”

– Sweet Nothing (feat. Florence Welch), Calvin Harris