Fast facts (if you don’t have time to read the full post: Today I want to talk about hair loss. If you are uncomfortable with the blog post title or even this topic, maybe sit with that feeling for a second and ask yourself why and then continue reading so that you can work through those feelings! I am sure you have butt hairs, too. Or at least you know it’s possible to have butt hairs. Let’s normalize and de-stigmatize this conversation together. The experience of hair loss extends beyond cancer and includes other factors and disorders like alopecia, age, heredity, childbirth, and COVID, to name a few. I can only speak to the experience of someone with cancer who is experiencing hair loss, but thought this was a topic worth exploring and sharing today.

TO THE LONG VERSION!

Myth busted: Not all chemotherapy drugs cause hair loss. Yup! Some don’t cause any hair loss at all and some can trigger thinning, but not complete loss. Unfortunately for me, the red devil chemo causes complete hair loss. We often think about the hairs on our head, our eyelashes, and our eyebrows since those are the most obvious spots we see hair on others. But hair loss in the context of chemo for me means ALL HAIRS. Chemo is the most expensive hair cut, nay, hair removal mechanism, I will ever experience.

If you remember, I cut my hair to a pixie cut the day I received my first chemo. My doctor told me that I would start experiencing hair loss by my second round of chemo, so I decided to take matters into my own hands and make the experience of losing my hair less messy and less graphic for me. So much of how I choose to express my identity has been with my hair. I love changing it often with new vivid colors to fit my season in life. Part of it was a means of control. Cancer continues to take from me and I wanted one act of defiance. Turns out I can rock a dope short hair cut and now I look forward to having cute pixies following chemo. The other part was not wanting to clean my shower drain. What can I say? I am lazy and chemo makes me tired.

I’ve been so focused on my rainbow hair transition that I forgot that I have hair elsewhere on my body. I am sure everyone else forgot, too or have chosen not to think about it because why would they want to think about my leg hair? My armpit hair? My butt hair? That would be weird for you to consider, but actually would it? Not really. If you care about the hair on my head, you should in theory care about my hair elsewhere. It is less vibrant but still sad to lose.

I started to notice significant hair loss two days ago. You know when you freshly shave or get a poorly done bikini wax and you just can’t stop itching?! It has been the worst itch ever in my pants because it is happening everywhere and at the same time, chemo hair loss kind of burns in a weird way. If I didn’t know better, I would have guessed I had some sort of infection or something. I am imagining that the poison is yelling at the hairs in the follicle holes going, “Muhahahah here is your eviction notice, bitch! This is my hole now!” And they get kicked out. Sounds very scientific.

The reality is that my significant hair loss has started in my butt. I am sorry if you find that graphic or weird to share, but I really wish someone had told me this was going to happen like this. Or I really should have thought about hair loss more deeply. I am at fault here lol. Maybe someday if you have another friend who is going through this, you can warn them on my behalf. Losing your hair means losing your butt hairs. And pubic hairs. And leg hairs. And armpit hairs. It sucks and is wildly uncomfortable. And it is SO WEIRD. Who knew the red devil chemo came with a ~free~ Brazilian wax?! “Oh but you get to avoid shaving for like three months!” Yeah, cool… I also get to be bald against my will at 29 and have a burning sensation in my hair holes and have to avoid the sun like a vampire. I would rather shave than be hairless from chemo.

In all seriousness, hair loss is an extremely vulnerable process. I’ve embraced that I will lose my hair, but it feels so incredibly exposing. It is my body saying, “Look, she has cancer!” and although I am very public about what I am going through, it is a different level of attention. I will be bald by the end of next week most likely. I have already lost 10 pounds against my will. In the fall, I will lose my breasts. My ovaries might die. My body is changing as it fights its battle. Externally, you will know I am fighting cancer and that is a very vulnerable state to be in because it is hard to hide, especially on the days I may not want to be seen, both physically and emotionally. “But what about wigs?! Turbans?!” Those are great options for me to use to disguise what is happening to me, but at the end of the day I am just a naked mole rat and that is still a hard pill to swallow when I have to look at myself in the mirror.

This brings me to my next point. If you see someone who does not have hair and you think that it is weird that they don’t have hair in the way you expect them to have hair, you do NOT need to comment on their appearance. Period. If that individual experiencing hair loss chooses to share their experience with you, listen with compassion and love and respect. Acknowledge their lived experience. Again, I cannot speak for all folks, but from my personal experience, hair loss is hard. It is a constant state of vulnerability. I can make jokes all day about myself, but you (or anyone else for that matter) cannot at my expense unless I give you permission to do so, most likely in a private setting.

Alright, going to hop off my soap box now. I promise I am not angry and I know you are all here to learn just like I am! If you make a mistake or make a joke, I am not going to be mad. Just know that we are all trying to do better. I am trying to do better, too.

Today’s song lyric of the day is brought to you by Bubba Sparxxx because I literally named my blog post after this song. I love pop culture.

“Booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin’ everywhere
Booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin’ everywhere
Booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin’ everywhere
Rockin’ everywhere, rockin’ everywhere”

– Miss New Booty, Bubba Sparxx, Ying Yang Twins, Mr Collipark