Fast facts (if you don’t have time to read the full post:) Today was my second round of chemo. This also marks the halfway point with the red devil! Woo! I received my first hormone blocker injection in my stomach (RIP!) and I also met with my oncologist and got answers about my MRI results. I hope you saw the pun in today’s title. Do-si-do. Chemo round dos. A very clever English/Spanish dancing pun. Heh.

TO THE LONG VERSION!

Hellloooo! Literally writing this from comfy little chemo pod #22 in angelic hell! Not sure why the wi-fi is better in the middle pod, but whatever. I will take it! Okay, this is going to sound weird but I really like going to chemo. The act of getting chemo is depressing and what comes after is like FUCKING AWFUL for three to five business days, but I like going. The nurses are so great. The staff are becoming my friends. Peep the “Do your dooooody!” limited edition cup that my friend who works here brought me. Cute lil poop emoji. #BlessedAF. The patients are pretty rad, too! There was a guy here today handing out ice cream bars to everyone. Like how fucking delightful! And the snacks are pretty decent. They have name brand snacks and cranberry grape juice (the ULTIMATE blend!) in the cute single serve cups! I stole an oatmeal and peach nutritional drink for later. I mean it isn’t really stealing since I am paying up the ass to get poison injected into me, but I like to think that the act of taking more than two things from the snack bar is a sin. Let me relish in my fake greed! Muhahaha.

This morning, I woke up and accepted that my cancer is an asshole and enjoys traveling. It has free sky miles to use I guess. I realized that I can do nothing at this point other than do the things my oncologist tells me to do and hope for the best. So that is my plan. I did my leg day (yay for feeling well enough for exercise!), ate a massive cancer fighting breakfast (just kidding it was french toast, homemade hashbrowns, and eggs) and watched an episode of Bridgerton in preparation for this afternoon. I had a great fucking morning all things considered.

“What questions do you have for me today,” my oncologist asked me when she walked in. I felt like that was a silly question. Like you saw my scan right? You know I am a scared little bitch. But I kept my cool and told her in my least anxious voice that I wanted to discuss my MRI results. So folks here is the deal. She agrees with the MRI doctor dude that yes, the lesions in my scans look ~very concerning~ for metastatic disease aka cancer. However, the “biggest” lesion is too small to biopsy so she is recommending we continue with treatment as planned. If they are indeed cancerous (oh yeah… there is more than one but the others are specks), those little round bois will get obliterated during chemo. Chemo can take the lesion back to hell with it! If they are not, we will have to address them once I finish treatment.

Cancer can fuck off. Plz and thanks.

Today also had other surprises in store for me. I walked into chemo and my nurse was like, “Oh so you’re cleared to get your first hormone blocker shot today!” and I was like oh no. Another surprise needle. Such joy. And it is a scary needle but it is a subcutaneous injection so YAY FUCKING ME. They grabbed the best nurse to administer the injection, bundled up my stomach fat, sprayed me with the numbing spray, and stabbed me in my chemo chair. It was quite an event. It was not pleasant, but I would say it is doable in the grand scheme of things I have to do to survive cancer. Do I like the fact that I will be getting a shot like that monthly for the next five years and be stuck in chemically induced menopause? Fuck no. But I have no choice.

So, the next five days are going to suck. And I am going to lose my glorious hair by next week so I am SO FUCKING SAD. I am going to be a shell of myself and then I will emerge from the depths of the pits of the earth having slayed the red devil once more. Annnnnd do it all again. Bald.

OH! One final note! Pre-orders are now open for the “Fuck cancer! Enjoy rainbows!” stickers. You know you want one. Click HERE to order one!

Today’s song lyric of the day is brought to you by Rage Against the Machine. This is the song stuck in my head as I got injected with the red stupidity today.

“Weapons not food, not homes, not shoes
Not need, just feed the war cannibal animal
I walk tha corner to tha rubble that used to be a library
Line up to tha mind cemetery now”

– Bulls On Parade, Rage Against the Machine