Fast facts (if you don’t have time to read the full post): We are a week post red devil chemo and my brain is emerging from the fog and my body is finally bouncing back. The most dominant side effects of this round seem to have been extreme fatigue and blisters on my feet. I think it is because I have been insanely sweaty and wearing sandals, but I also remember being a sweaty human before chemo and I never got blisters, so it must be a side effect. I am at my lowest white blood count, so if you are a vampire or are sick, STAY AWAY FROM ME. Vampires have nothing to do with my WBC, I just don’t think I should be conversing with vampires right now.

TO THE LONG VERSION!

The slogan for menopause should be “hot n sweaty n never ready.” Kind of like Little Caesar’s hot and ready pizza catchphrase except less cheese and sex and more night terrors. I am a hot and sweaty greasy little cheese pizza in my bed.

Let me explain.

1:20 am: No matter what time I go to bed, I wake up at this time. Nothing good seems to happen after 11 pm and I think that is true with chemo induced insomnia. Today I woke up with Sean Paul’s “Temperature” playing in my brain probably because I was having a random intense hot flash. It didn’t help I had two cobijas on me, was wearing sweats, a sweater, and Serrano was curled up against my neck. I woke up to her LICKING THE SWEAT OFF MY BALD HEAD. Okay, this cat is so sweet and kind for caring for me but also ew? Cats are fucking weird. I laid there in bed, fascinated by my hot flash and debated whether or not to move Serrano off me so I could take off my sweater. I ended up choosing to suffer because I was worried the cat wouldn’t come back if I took her off me to change and I enjoy late night cuddles.

4:28 am: Cue a second round of night sweats and hot flashes. I am literally swimming in my sweaty blue sweater at this point. Yet, I have nobody to blame but myself. I chose to not remove my sweater in favor of a cat licking me. The hot flash and sweats are way worse this second time. I almost felt sick. And then my brain kept asking me if I wanted to get up to blog or maybe do something fun. Um, it is 4:30 am on a Thursday and I need to get up to work today. Why can’t I be inspired on the weekends at 4 am? So I had this internal debate with my anxiety for 30 minutes (which I think it is funny that I literally talk to my anxiety as if it is a friend I casually meet for coffee), another hot flash hits me, and I am still fully dressed because the cat is on me like a fur boa. I am my own worst enemy.

5:40 am: My alarm sounds off. Guess who is still a sweaty girl??? I still cannot smell body odor thanks to my parosmia, but I genuinely wonder how much sweat I produced and how gross I smelled. Serrano is still cuddling my neck, so I guess she doesn’t mind the potential stench. And now I have to poop. Thank goodness I am not constipated this time around with chemo. It is the small things.

Menopause is a bitch. And I have to endure this shit for five years?! You’ve got to be kidding me. I also just really hate being sweaty. Yesterday my friend and I walked down to the Farmer’s Exchange to load up on plants (FLOWER POWER, BABY!) during our break. Although it was unseasonably warm yesterday at a balmy 77 degrees, I was drenched in sweat by the time we walked back to work. I had even worn a dress! I don’t know if this menopause related or the fact my heart rate skyrockets to 130 beats per minute every time I move, but the fact is I am constantly sweaty. Oh and I now have lovely blisters between my thighs because I wore a dress, sweat so much, and walked farther than my little chemo body thought it could yesterday.

At least I walked. That is a nice step in the right direction.

Today’s song lyric of the day is brought to you by TLC.

“Don’t go chasing waterfalls
Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to
I know that you’re gonna have it your way or nothing at all
But I think you’re moving too fast”

– Waterfalls, TLC