***Update as of May 19, 2022: I thought I was going to be on cisplatin but I am taking carboplatin! Same family, but a little different. Enjoy all the magical information about a chemo I am not taking yay! Get updated here.***

Fast facts (if you don’t have time to read the full post): This is a BONUS post! Don’t get too comfy and forget to read today’s other post. Today I had an ultrasound to measure my tumors in my right breast and right lymph nodes in my armpit. I also have chemo number six on Thursday. I will be given Taxol and another chemo drug: cisplatin. Yay… more drugs. And now my chemo isn’t vegan hahaha! I don’t know if it actually was on Taxol, but I love that Taxol is plant based. Things I tell myself to enjoy getting pumped full of… stuff.

TO THE LONG VERSION!

I am going to imagine that you all are incredibly shook that I produced TWO blog posts in one day! My first BONUS post! Such luxury. I feel like so many things are happening right now and I have a ton of content on the back burner that I need to produce, so I apologize that I have been over promising and under delivering. I love blogging and researching content, but it also takes a lot of effort on my end. Thank you for being patient with me.

Okay so last week I reported that before chemo, my oncologist felt me up and didn’t like what she felt. That’s a first for me! Jokes. She was “concerned” (her words!) that my tumor was not shrinking enough and wanted some ~hard data~ to learn more about what is going on in my body. She was not pleased with my progress or lack thereof. Cue anxiety, depression, and sad thoughts. So she ordered me an ultrasound and today was the day. Jose was available and took me to my appointment. I mean, I felt confident that I could go alone since what surprises could there be? I already have cancer. I know I have masses. What could go wrong?

The answer is unexpected PTSD. My ultrasound just happened to be in the same room that it was the first time when I went alone and peeped masses on the screen for the first time. Ultrasound exam room number three. Three is my lucky number, but that room… oof. I was glad Jose went with me. The tech asked me a bunch of questions, why I was there, where I was in my chemo treatment, yadadada. I have to say I responded with such skill and ease. I literally know everything about my treatment plan and the cancer I have. I am awfully proud of my knowledge. I wonder if I come off as annoying or as a know-it-all? My anxiety wants to know. Hi, anxiety! ❤

She gets me all gooey with the warm gel and begins her quest of searching for my mass in my dense breast tissue. Techs can’t tell you anything but she kept going back and forth between the ultrasound machine and the original measurements and captures from the first ultrasound, so it was making me nervous. I watched intently and I think she could tell that I was uneasy. It took about twenty minutes and I was significantly less sweaty than the first time I had to do this in February, but I could feel the PTSD creeping. What if my ultrasound revealed my masses had grown? What if the red devil didn’t improve them AT ALL? The tears were ready to explode like water over a dam. I was ready to freak out when she left the room. I was so glad Jose was there. Before she left she looked at me and said, “Things are looking good.” But my anxiety and PTSD took it the wrong way. Good? What kind of good? Can good also be bad?

The moment she left the room to go talk with the radiologist, I turned to Jose and just word vomitted everywhere how concerned I was and how I felt traumatized in this room. He is very fact driven so he said we just need to hear what they have to say. I wish I didn’t have feelings sometimes. He is so good at logic. I have feelings before I have logic.

The radiologist and tech come back in and the radiologist told me that he was very pleased with my results. My tumors have improved and the chemo is working! Of course, I had to ask how improved and if they could compare the two ultrasounds. To my surprise, they were able to give me that information on the spot! My initial mass from the ultrasound on February 15 measured 20 x 11 x 20 mm. Today’s results showed 8 x 6 x 6 mm! My lymph nodes were 2.4 x 1.5 x .8 cm with a cortical thickness of 4.2 mm. Today’s results were 1.3 x 1 x .6 cm and a cortical thickness of 2.5 mm! Now, I don’t know what cortical thickness means, but the radiologist made note to me that that particular measurement is most important in this scenario. So I Googled it for us. Looks like there is a standard cortical thickness associated with healthy lymph nodes and the thicker it is, it is a strong indicator of metastasis. Makes sense!

I am genuinely curious if these results are pleasing to my oncologist. Are these the kind of results she was hoping for or was she hoping for something more aggressive as a result of the red devil chemo? Do I still need to go on the new chemotherapy based on these new results? We will find out Thursday!

In the meantime, I saw in my chart what kind of chemo I am supposed to be starting on Thursday: cisplatin! According to the National Library of Medicine, “Cisplatin was initially discovered to prevent the growth of Escherichia coli and was further recognized for its anti-neoplastic and cytotoxic effects on cancer cells.” Neat! It is a common first-line of treatment for cancer patients because it is quite effective, but many patients experience relapse due to drug resistance. I will not be on this chemo for the rest of my treatment. I don’t know how many rounds, but it does come with some risks including adverse effects, nephrotoxicity, reoccurrence, and resistance. I will have to ask Thursday how many rounds I will do. Based on some clues in my Kchart, I think I might be doing three rounds. Don’t quote me, though.

I might do a deeper dive in this chemo tomorrow evening since this post is long enough. If you want to do a bit more research ahead of time, here is a bit more about cisplatin! Low key I am scared to take it. I think it scares me more than the red devil? I don’t know why. Maybe it is because Taxol seems so nice given it is plant based and significantly less aggressive in terms of side effects. My fingers and toes hurt and I have some weird skin stuff that has appeared (need to ask about that on Thursday….) but I am functional and have a brain. Interesting trade offs.

Today’s song lyric of the day is brought to you by Elk Road.

“I got answers but I don’t have truth
And I got lovers but I don’t have you
And I’ve made promises but I’ve lied too
Empty bottles and wine unscrewed
Can you tell me not to worry
Can you tell me I’ll be fine
Can you tell me everything’s alright”

– Not to Worry, Elk Road, Governors