Fast facts (if you don’t have time to read the full post): Chemo number seven is in the books! We have nine chemo treatments left, assuming all goes to plan. I am not sure what factors could screw up this plan, but I just have to throw that information out there just in case something goes amiss. I had an appointment yesterday with the dermatologist to evaluate some interesting rashes and discoloration on my hands. I also met with the physician’s assistant for the plastic surgeon to go over reconstruction and what I know so far. Reconstruction feels like a million miles away, but it is great to have information now.

TO THE LONG VERSION!

“Do you… like cheese?” My emotional support human looked at me funny when I asked that question. I have no idea why I asked her that because I have known her for like almost fifteen years and we literally had just eaten asada fries smothered in nacho cheese an hour prior. Chemo brain be dumb. She giggled and said yes, but didn’t want the cheese snack that nurse Meg offered to get for me from the special fridge. She came back with my favorite chemo treat and we got up to steal some Ritz crackers from the bar. I love an impromptu charcuterie moment. Sometimes you gotta make do with what you have. I mean it could have been a FULL ON CHARCUTERIE if they restocked the hummus and pretzels, but those seem to be an item that is hard to get. Someday I will get my salty delights.

I was especially excited and insanely nervous for today’s chemo for a couple of reasons. I brought my favorite nurse with me today as my emotional support human and she had bought me a banner that says, “Nacho Average Fiesta.” We brought nachos to give to the nurses in honor of the new banner decor. I was nervous because I knew I was getting my hormone blocker shot in my stomach today and I hate knowing when I will get it. It amps up my anxiety. You all know by now I HATE NEEDLES and today was a rough needle encounter day. But I was excited because my nurse friend was very excited to see this needle. We are a unique pea pod.

Okay so what made today a rough needle encounter aside from my hormone blocker was that I didn’t properly soak Harry Porter and the Prisoner of Cancerban (aka my port!) with enough lidocaine. Or if I did, something went wrong. When we went to stick me for the IV, it HURT. It didn’t hurt for long, but it was so unexpected. It was the first time that sticking me actually caused me pain and it caught me off guard. MADISON WAS NOT HAPPY. I did produce blood which is great, but fuck. Fuck needles.

Removing my IV was painful too so I need to just glob the lidocaine on next time earlier and with more coverage. I really hope that works. It is possible that as I move forward with treatment this could be more of an issue. Hopefully not because ugh HARRY PORTER YOU HAVE ONE JOB.

The best part of the day (aside from my amazing emotional support human) was hanging out with nurse Meg. I have reached a status that nurses want me as a patient! THAT IS THE GREATEST HONOR. And of course she is like the nicest human and so sweet. I am obsessed with going to chemo to see all the amazing humans there. Seriously. And of course Hanan gave me my injection, I saw Rachael and Jennifer and Linda, and just felt so loved. And Sarah (my trusty steed) is always around when I go to chemo and I know she reads this blog (devoted follower!) so thank you Sarah for always showing up and caring for me, too! I wish I could capture that energy and affection in a jar and give it to them when they feel sad so they can be reminded how wonderful they make my life and the lives of others.

I love the cancer center for the friendships and love. It makes getting treatment less scary. I am hanging out in hell and they are there with me. And news of my “Fuck cancer! Enjoy rainbows!” stickers have spread like wild fire! Two of the front desk girls wanted one, so I gave them one, and then some of the nurses were asking about them during chemo. So glad they are a hit! I will bring more next week.

So chemo was gouda today. Please laugh. We ate cheese, talked about cheese, celebrated cheese, and I walked out one step closer to the finish line.

Yesterday’s appointments were important but I don’t have a ton to report back on. At the dermatologist, we chatted about my rashes and discoloration in my hands. She prescribed me a heavier topical steroid to take to help and I have to come back to follow up on June 8. Reconstruction mostly focused on going over the information again, asking more in-depth questions, and making sure I understand the process. I expressed that I want to do tissue-based reconstruction (read more about that here!) so we went over that. Honestly, that surgery just kind of scares me mainly because of the recovery time. Like I am completely useless for six weeks. I cannot lift my hands or do much. She told me I shouldn’t even type and typing and designing is literally my job for work like… how will I endure?! That process is like a year and a half away, but it induces so much anxiety. And the fact I will be flat chested for so long also is depressing. I guess we can address that Everest later since I had a great day.

Today’s song lyric of the day is brought to you by VeggieTales…. don’t judge me. This song slaps. And it involves cheese.

“‘Cause you’re his cheeseburger
His yummy cheeseburger
He’ll wait for you, yeah
He’ll wait for you”

– His Cheeseburger, VeggieTales