Fast facts (if you don’t have time to read the full post): We surpassed chemo number ten! We have six weeks of chemo left! Fuuuuuuuuuck. My nails are getting worse. It is harder and harder for me to type. However, no back pain as of yet which is a great sign because I would rather not be able to open a mayo jar than be laying in extreme pain on my bed. This week is all about taking deep breaths and relaxing. I promised myself I would keep my schedule LIGHT this week so that I can “fully” recover before chemo on Thursday. Oh, and the Madison & Friends charity art fundraiser went swimmingly! What a way to kick off my 30s!

TO THE LONG VERSION!

The first time this year that I felt like I was experiencing a scene in a movie was on February 21. It was an out of body experience. The rain was falling hard. I was crying in my car, listening to the nurse practitioner give me the news I had breast cancer. It was numbing and unreal. No matter how hard I wanted to rewind that moment, it would have happened anyway. Maybe I wouldn’t be in my car, maybe I wouldn’t be 29, but breast cancer was in my cards. It is in my genes. So I cried and listened to the rain cry with me. The world felt just as sad as I did. How cinematic.

The second time this year I have experienced my life as a movie was on Friday for the Madison & Friends charity art fundraiser. Instead of numbing shock and pain, I was full of joy and laughs. I was blinded by the sequins on my dress. I embraced friends and the stories of strangers who had loved ones with cancer stories. I walked around the room and felt hope. It was the kind of hope like at the end of a superhero movie that you clap for or when a plane lands after insane turbulence. You’re just happy to be alive.

The version of me four months ago is so proud of present me, although we both can agree that we DO NOT recommend other cancer patients plan a massive fundraiser while undergoing treatment. I mean you totally can and I will always be the first one to raise my hand to help, but I think you may be better off taking care of yourself and throwing a fundraiser later. But I did it anyways. It was something I really wanted to do and I have zero regrets planning. Life is SO short. I wanted to throw myself an unforgettable party with purpose and nobody knows how to throw a party better than me. Well, my mom does. She is an excellent party host and I learned directly from her. People thought I was a little mad in the head, and it was a lot of work and exhausting, but it accomplished what I wanted and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I probably will, to be honest.

A lot of things did not go as planned on Friday. The perfectionist in me is still raging and picking over what failed. However, a lot of things went right! We raised over $5,000 for the Tri-Cities Cancer Center Foundation, we sold almost all of the art that was hung, everyone seemed to have a decent time, and there was even food left over at the night for me to enjoy. I think I could have done a better job at telling folks there were tamales available though, so I do apologize if you didn’t know there was food. The music was FANTASTIC, the performances were engaging, and I loved seeing so many people from the various seasons of my life there. It is one of the few times in my life where I felt like I was exactly where I should be. And if you went, I hope you felt that way, too.

PHOTO INTERMISSION! Please text me your photos because I shockingly took none the entire night. IRONIC given I am a photographer. Ooops.

It comes as NO surprise that an event like that took me out. Literally all day Saturday and Sunday I was incapacitated. All I had to do was sit down on the couch and my blanket would whisper sweet nothings into my body as I lulled myself to sleep for hours on end. No more parties for me for a while! I am glad I had a three day weekend to bounce back. Today I finally feel less fatigued and functional.

Now that the event is over, I have sworn that I will coast through the rest of treatment but I can already feel myself wondering what is next? I want to keep creating! I can’t help myself. I don’t like sitting still and watching TV. I need to make some art or plan an event or do something. Does anyone need help with anything??? Maybe I will feel differently when I have to go to work tomorrow and I will realize that work is enough. I don’t need to keep doing more. Maybe I should make time for one on one visits with friends. I have so many folks I need to connect with right now and check in with. And people I want to have dinner parties with! I love dinner.

For those of you who have offered so much support and love and help to me for this event, during this event, and even after, thank you. I have so much gratitude for all the sparkly friends in my life who are gracious and kind with their time. It is a long list but I think it is a great use of my blog space to thank people for helping me out.

Thank you Sue for helping me plan this event. Despite you not being there because of sickness, you were amazing. Gina, thank you for filling in for Sue and for your amazing acroyoga talents. Rosie, thank you for helping with the art all night!! Ah you are amazing and I cannot thank you enough for how sweet you have been to me. Val, you’re my girl. Way to tell Russ what is up and for taking care of me Thursday and Friday. Sarah, thank you for sticking around almost to your bedtime on Friday and checking in with me asking if I needed anything. Such friendship. Hi mom and Cassidy! I love you both so much. Geide, Maria, Cindy, Sandra, Cristina, and Wendy thank you so much for the stunning photo booth section. It was my favorite place to hang out on Friday! To Heather and Luke for helping with check-ins and last minute details, I appreciate you both. To my potato Sarah for helping me secure all of the donations and just being a wonderful potato friend, I love you. My dearest Amy and Rachel, THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME THE MOST MAGICAL OUTFIT AND WIG OF ALL TIME. Seriously, you two I owe you the world. You both empowered me in such a beautiful way. Shout out to Ana for my custom gorgeous necklace! LOBA FOR LIFE. And we had dozens of hands helping with the installations of the art and the taking down of the art, but I am thankful for every single one of those hands. And to Ashleigh for helping curate and install the art, thank you for your endless expertise. I am forever indebted to you.

Most importantly, thank you to every artist and every single person who came out to support the event and be part of the magic. I am grateful that we came together to support the cancer center. Cancer fucking sucks, but it sucks less because I have all of you. So thank you. I will need to count how many artists participated in the show and get back to you all on that. I think we had like 40 artists if I remember right???

I feel like I forgot some folks in that thank you paragraph, so I am really sorry. Please yell at me if I forgot you and I will update the paragraph. Basically I am just humbled and grateful for the opportunity to throw a fundraiser at this time in my life. Now back to my nap!

Today’s song lyrics of the day are brought to you by Galantis.

“Hold on to what you got
Let go of what you’re not
Hold on to what you’ve got

Livin’ ain’t easy
Call if you need me
Livin’ ain’t easy
Call if you need me”

– Call If You Need Me, Galantis