Fast facts (if you don’t have time to read the full post): We are two days away from chemo number eleven! Six chemos left! My right middle finger is now officially infected, with what I can only guess is some sort of fungus or maybe corn found me like I feared? Just kidding. But I am in pain and it has taken me three times longer than normal to write this post. I need to hire someone to write for me for now. Rip. I am also paranoid about losing my finger?

TO THE SHORT VERSION!

One of my favorite movies is “Shrek.” I think it has some of the funniest and most quotable content. “IN THE MORNING, I’M MAKING WAFFLES!” Like, I say that every time I make waffles and I only hear Eddie Murphy’s voice in my head when I think of that quote. I also love the soundtrack. “Accidentally in Love” by Counting Crows is perfection. I actually think that is from “Shrek 2” but whatever. I wish I could say that song could be the soundtrack to my life, but it isn’t. However, it could be if we changed the title to “Accidentally Infected” because guess who has another infection?! Yup, the fuckening is back, literally 61 days since the last fuckening! I am happy to report that the fuckening is not happening on my head, but instead happening on my fingers. Okay, I am not happy but I guess it is a small step up from having a head infection.

This post has taken me way longer than normal to type. My middle finger is incredibly swollen and in a ton of pain. You’d be surprised how much typing involves your middle finger. I dare you to go type right now and pay attention to how instrumental that finger is. My finger looks like a rotten hot dog that sat in the way back in a dark corner of your fridge next to that bag of shredded cheese you forgot about. It is swollen and weirdly green. I would say my finger looks like Shrek’s but honestly that is disrespectful to him. At least his are healthy and normal.

I called the triage nurse today but I called too late. I called at 4:30 pm (they close at 5 pm) because I was in meetings all day and did not prioritize myself to make time to call earlier. I told her my symptoms and what was going on and wanted to know if I should go to the ER. I even took my temperature over the phone to see if I was having a total body reaction to the localized infection. My temp was normal. The moment I told her about the coloring and how swollen it was, she asked to call me back to contact my oncologist. I waited about 14 minutes and she called with a minute to spare before 5 pm. Definitely an infection and the PA prescribed some antibiotics since my oncologist was gone. It is 9:35 pm and my prescription is still not filled and my finger is THROBBING. I hope it makes it through the night.

I really hope this is the last fuckening I have to deal with on chemo. It is really annoying when other parts of my body are trying to take me out, as if my cancer infected right boob was not enough. First an ingrown hair and now a mindless nail bed. Cancer be dumb.

Today’s song lyrics of the day are brought to you by Counting Crows.

“How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it ’cause I can’t ignore it if it’s love (love)
Makes me want to turn around and face me
But I don’t know nothing about love, oh”

– Accidentally in Love, Counting Crows