Fast facts (if you don’t have time to read the full post): I have been MIA all week partying it up in the Midwest. Just kidding. I was there on serious funeral business but I also found time to enjoy myself. I got back around 1 am this morning and now have to prepare myself for my first of 28 rounds of daily radiation starting tomorrow afternoon. I also have a Zoladex injection on Thursday. Boo. This injection has become the bane of my existence. The injection has eliminated my hormonal headaches so I rarely get headaches anymore but it is also a phat needle in my stomach. Stupid.

TO THE LONG VERSION!

Nothing says “welcome back from your trip, lil cancer bitch” like doing laundry and forgetting your favorite lipstick in your funeral blazer pocket and getting lipstick ALL OVER YOUR CLOTHES. I write to you all as I do my laundry for the second time this evening in hopes I can remove the blotchy stains all over my clothes. Pre-anxiety med Madison would have been upset. Now I am just really annoyed and hope I can replace my lipstick because honestly that lipstick was a great formula. Fuck the clothes! But also don’t because I got lipstick on some of my fall capsule items. Rip.

Tuesday morning my dad and I left for our Midwest adventure. Funerals make me sad but this gathering turned out to be a healing experience for my soul despite being a reminder that my cancer can turn out of control at any time and take me to the ground, too. I know that is morbid and sad, but it is true and I am consciously aware of that. Granted, my body and cancer is different from that of my aunt who passed, but it is the genetics that haunt me. We share the same DNA mutation: c.1953_1956del (also known as 2072delGAAA.) Pretty impressive that we have technology that cannot only warn us of the mutation but the specific deletion that has created the mutation. Impressive. (Side note: I think I want to get my mutation marker tattooed on me. Kind of cool. Sad. But cool.)

It was great to connect with family despite the sad circumstances. (Fuck cancer. It really needs to leave our family alone.) I also grew a great appreciation for the Midwest and learned that there are many cities with the name “Sioux” in them and they are all in different states and you basically cross state lines the same way we travel between Kennewick, Pasco, and Richland. One moment you are in Sioux City, Iowa and then you are in South Sioux City, Nebraska, and then you might make your way up to North Sioux City, South Dakota. Are you confused yet? Because same.

I spent a lot of time with my cousins exploring our family history. We visited the grave sites of our grandparents (and I think great grandparents if I remember right??) at midnight one night. (What can I say? We are spooky people.) We visited a boat launch named after our family. My dad and his siblings used to swim in the small body of water as kids before it was transformed into a boat launch. I stayed at my aunt’s house, the same property that they all grew up on. That was really cool.

The cherry on top of a good trip was on Friday we drove down to Lincoln, Nebraska and stayed with my older sister for our last night. And I just got to laugh and be carefree for a bit. It was the most normal I have felt since before treatment.

Now I am back to reality and have to prepare for my first round of 28 daily radiations tomorrow morning. Eff.

PHOTO INTERMISSION!

So radiation… the next leg of this never ending journey of cancer. What the fuck is radiation treatment? Let’s learn, kids!

According to Cancer.org, “Radiation therapy uses high-energy particles or waves, such as x-rays, gamma rays, electron beams, or protons, to destroy or damage cancer cells.

Your cells normally grow and divide to form new cells. But cancer cells grow and divide faster than most normal cells. Radiation works by making small breaks in the DNA inside cells. These breaks keep cancer cells from growing and dividing and cause them to die. Nearby normal cells can also be affected by radiation, but most recover and go back to working the way they should.

While chemotherapy and other treatments that are taken by mouth or injection usually expose the whole body to cancer-fighting drugs, radiation therapy is usually a local treatment. This means it’s usually aimed at and affects only the part of the body needing treatment. Radiation treatments are planned so that they damage cancer cells with as little harm as possible to nearby healthy cells.”

I figured copying and pasting the definition was easier than me trying to summarize it since they did a pretty good job breaking it down in simple enough terms. There are three different types of radiation. I will be receiving external radiation (or external beam radiation) which basically is a machine directing high-energy rays into my body. If you remember from a previous update, I received several black dot tattoos that will help guide the beams to accurately target the same spots each time. My radiologist recommended this neat little intro video to external radiation if you want to watch it and learn more about what I will be doing.

A lot of you have asked about side effects of radiation and they include, but are not limited to: skin reddening or tanning, fatigue, hair loss in the treatment location, chest wall or breast swelling, chest tenderness, and possible skin peeling. I get some bonus potential side effects because they are treating my lymph nodes as well which include cough, sore throat, hoarseness, and rare risk of lung inflammation. Cool cool cool….

Of course there are potential long term or permanent complications from receiving radiation. These include but once again are not limited to cosmetic changes such as color or texture change, spider like blood vessel formations on the skin, hair loss in treatment area (which this one I am okay with haha), chest wall or breast scarring, unlikely risk of second cancer formation or heart damage, rib fracture, arm swelling (lymphedema), lung scarring, chest wall or breast pain, and potential healing problems if undergoing reconstruction or plastic surgery. Whew. That is quite a list! Fuck. Oh and the bonus side effect for my lymph node area is an unlikely risk of spinal cord or nerve damage.

Do cancer treatment they said. It will be fun they said.

Most likely I will be fatigued and have to deal with a stupid never ending sun burn and tightness. Hopefully I don’t have any other of the weird side effects. Everyone I know has told me that radiation is a walk in the park compared to chemo but honestly all of this still sucks. Cancer treatment is never fucking ending and I don’t want to do any of it, even if it is “easier.” It would be easier for me if I didn’t have cancer but I guess that is a moot point.

Is radiation the raddest part of cancer treatment? I guess we will find out.

Today’s song lyrics of the day are brought to you by Jodie Harsh.

“I’m here for a good time, not a long time
So make me feel alive
C’mon
I’m here for a good time, not a long time
So make me feel alive
C’mon, make me feel alive”

– Good Time, Jodie Harsh